it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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