There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
