I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
