dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
