There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
