She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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