I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize