I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
