You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize