My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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