I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
