I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
