dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
