I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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