he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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