I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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