Duck Duck Cougar?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
