dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
