No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
