She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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