Your tits are I can't wait for
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
