I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
