I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
