I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
