no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I smell stomach acid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
