White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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