She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
