My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
