dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
