so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
