Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
