I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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