put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
