I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
