He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize