My boss' voice literally gives me gas
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
