Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
