They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
