All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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