I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize