Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize