You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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