So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
