It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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