Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
PANTIES FOUND
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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