let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
