there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
