I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
