woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
