I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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