i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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