It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
