walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
