I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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