Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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