Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
