I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
