Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
