I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
