Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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