I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
