I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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