A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
