he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize